i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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