If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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