i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
