a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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