my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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