i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
