first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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