pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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