What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
