people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
