Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
