genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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