i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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