he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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