Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
