Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The beer is more important than you right now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
