In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
