I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
