I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize