when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
