Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
