all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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