grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
