omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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