This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
