We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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