Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
