I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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