What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
