Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
