Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
pray to the hookup gods
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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