If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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