i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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