I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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