Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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