At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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