I love black thongs
its not stalking. its research.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
