Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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