They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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