So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
