i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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