He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
