why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Text me some of your sweat
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