It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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