Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
