i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
