think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
