What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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