O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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