I cockslap morals
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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