So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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