Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
