Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
