I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
