Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
