I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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