I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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