i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
