The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
