her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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