She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
