I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do herpes really smell.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
