You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
