god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
