remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
