I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
