hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
