DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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