we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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