You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
as a side note pls kill me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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