what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
