I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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