i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i've created a new STD.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
