is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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