I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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