i think i have herpe
just one?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
